Major League Baseball and other metaphors
by I Am Askew
Summary: Concerning Stiles. Stiles' dad. Derek Hale. And a rabbit (possibly more). Baseball bats don't really factor in here.


**Note: No rabbits were harmed in the making of this fic. Also Stiles POV.**

* * *

They've been…. whatever for about a month and a half now.

It's not dating. Definitely not dating, because then Dad would be having _words_ with him and pulling out his gun and making demands regarding Stiles' virtue.

Which is painfully, pathetically _intact._

(And holy shit isn't it sad that Scott, his best bud, but the most ridiculously naïve of guys, got laid before him)

His best friend became a werewolf and got tail. Stiles has only just gotten past first base.

And it's not like he's not trying, but he's got so much to contend with. Not least of all that all of his friends are hot werewolves or hot badass archers dressed in leather (lookin' at you, Allison), emphasis on the hot. Stiles is… well he's _not_.

Incidentally, getting to first base with Derek is how he got caught.

It's funny though, watching big bad alpha wolf Derek Hale kowtowing to the Sheriff. Trying to earn brownie points. Stiles has told him that his dad's bark is worse than his bite.

Derek's bite is - well, it left a lovely shade of purple on Stiles' neck last Friday. So he supposes that's worse than his bark. Especially when they both got a tongue lashing from Dad as soon as he saw it. Apparently hickies look very suspicious from a werewolf. Despite the fact that Stiles would legit try to murder Derek himself if he tried to actually turn him and Derek has admitted that he feels physically sick at the thought of turning Stiles.

(Stiles can't tell if that's an insult or incredibly sweet)

So Derek has been invited over for dinner a few times now. It's not getting any less awkward and the atmosphere isn't any less tense. Dad did seem surprised at first to find them making out in Stiles' bedroom, but after many threats to Derek's life and Stiles' sex life and social life, he sorta got with the program.

He guesses it's because he and Derek, well, they are an odd couple.

Like, _really_ odd.

When they're not making out, they're arguing, or making fun of stupid shit the other's done, or refusing to speak to each other because one of them is being an asshole and won't put out for Stiles because they might "risk the wrath of your dad, moron!", just because there's a bit of an age gap between him and Derek. His dad is making them wait, but Stiles is almost seventeen, and his dad would get over it. Probably.

(His dad modified the sex conversation to the gay sex conversation, and it was _monumentally _painful. Stiles is scarred. For life.)

So it's the Stilinski-Hale family dinner night again.

Derek has already -privately- expressed his distaste for the "granola crap" Stiles makes John eat. But he has sucked it up so far and picked at it at each dinner. It's Dad's rule for these dinners. If Stiles wants him to eat healthy shit, then everyone else has to suffer it too.

They've survived another dinner, and his dad is showing Derek the door because it's a school night. They're all ignoring the fact that Derek uses the door to come and go on family dinner nights to appear civilised, when all three men know that he climbs through Stiles' window all other times, and will probably do it tonight.

It's an uneasy truce they have over that one. As long as they're not loud and clothes are fully on, he ignores them. It's futile to try and stop them, but the unspoken rule is that if Dad manages to walk in and catch Derek in his room and Derek hasn't used the front door like a civilised human (sneaking in when he's asleep, sneaking past him when he's awake, and coming in when he's out apparently doesn't count either, even if he used the door - something about not being able to tell), then Derek gets soundly ejected from the Stilinski household and Stiles get his internet and Xbox privileges revoked.

Stiles is expecting him to come back after he's left tonight. They haven't had a good make out session in nearly a week and he's itching to get what little action he can again.

All thoughts of that possibility sail right out of his head when he gets a look at what's climbing in through his window.

"Dude, what the _hell_?!"

Because Derek is covered in blood.

His heart rate skyrockets because at first he thinks Derek's been hurt but then he gets a smug smile and he's moving as fluidly as ever.

"It's only rabbit. I was hungry, you can't expect me to live off that health shit."

Derek Hale, ladies and gentlemen.

It's only rabbit. It's also only all fucking over him, and being tracked all through Stiles window and room. It's only smelling like an abattoir.

Of course Derek's _only_ a wolf, so he doesn't fucking get it.

Stiles flails. And shouts all of this out loud, so inevitably his dad has heard them and he comes in.

Which leads to Derek being soundly ejected from the Stilinski house by both of them, Stiles losing his internet privileges anyway, and Derek being cursed loudly because it totally wasn't Stiles' fault.

He bets Scott's never tracked rabbit blood through Allison's window.

Twenty four hours later, and he's got his net back, as his father has realised that it wasn't his fault his "whatever the hell you two are" is an idiot. And is possibly taking a lot of pity on Stiles because he heard him retching as he cleaned blood and flecks of some poor bugs bunny off his window and out of the carpet.

He had no idea a rabbit could hold so much blood. Maybe Derek ate a colony of rabbits.

Stiles gets one "sorry" text and a whole box of Lucky Charms with just marshmallows in it.

(He also has no idea how Derek managed to reseal the box, but it's overkill. Stiles forgave him like two days before)

Dad has banned Derek from the house because of the rabbit incident, and apart from dinners, Derek and Stiles have been relegated to making out on the porch.

Stiles guesses he's not going to be hitting any home runs until he's twenty at this rate.


End file.
